“Get it out! Get it out of me, now!”
I could hear the screaming all the way down the hall as I walked quickly to the room. I pushed the door open to Room 422 just in time to hear –
“If you don’t get Dr. Love in here right now to get this thing out of me, I swear I will reach down there and pull it out myself!”
“Good evening, everyone,” I said, snapping on a pair of latex gloves. The maternity nurse, Judy, look relieved to see me.
“She’s ten centimeters dilated, been pushing for the last hour and half, and head is crowning.” Judy updated me.
I stood at the bed side of my patient, Bethany Burke. Bethany was a famous comedienne with her own reality TV show. She was also my patient, delivering her first child.
The words coming out of her mouth, however, were not so funny now.
“Where the hell have you been?” Bethany asked between panting. “I want…this baby…out of me….now!”
I smiled and pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes.
“Bethany, you will finally get to meet your baby in just a few minutes.”
I glanced over at her husband, Taylor, who was nervously pacing back and forth next to her bed. Her assistant, Camille, was sitting in a nearby chair, texting furiously on her Blackberry. They barely acknowledged my presence.
I quickly examined Bethany – she was crowning and ready to deliver. Judy had alerted the nursery and they rolled the crib and stood by to wait.
“Ok now Bethany, big push!”
“Ahhhh!” Bethany screamed while bearing down.
The baby’s head popped out. “Ok, Bethany a couple more of those pushes and were done.”
This is the part of my job that I love the most. Delivering babies. Bringing precious life in the world. All the drama that goes along with it – I just tolerate.
Being a doctor in LA – a doctor to the stars – definitely has its perks. My clients were movie stars, soap opera actresses, pop singers, supermodels, and wives of the Beverly Hills elite.
Finally, at eight minutes till midnight, Bethany Burke delivered her baby.
“It’s a girl!” I exclaimed, while the baby wailed at the top of her lungs. She definitely has her mother’s mouth I thought as handed the scissors to her husband, Taylor, to cut the cord.
Suddenly, the door swung opened and two men walked into the room carrying black leather bags and train cases. Camille popped up out of her chair. “Just in time. Let’s get started guys. She needs some sprucing up pronto.”
I turned to nurse Judy in confusion.
“Bethany’s film crew is here. They want to film for her show.”
As the nurses cleaned up the baby, Bethany’s team of makeup and hair stylist cleaned her up. I watched in amazement as the makeup guy wiped the sweat off Bethany’s forehead while the hair guy sprayed something powdery in her hair and pulled it into a high ponytail.
“Ummmhuh.” I cleared my throat to get Bethany’s attention. “You still have to deliver the placenta.”
“What?” Bethany said as the camera man poked his head into the doorway to see if he could come in.
“You aren’t done,” I said. I explained everything else to have to do, including putting in stitches.
“How long will that take?” Camille asked, fluffing up her own hair.
Judy rolls her eyes at me. This has turned into a three ring circus.
“About an hour.”
“Ok. Not a prob,” Camille said. “We will film the delivery of the placenta thingie and then we can edit to look like the actual delivery.” She looks at Bethany for approval.
Bethany just nods her head.
The nurse walks over and hands the baby to Bethany. She kisses her on the forehead and then hands her off to her husband. “Here honey. I don’t want to mess up my makeup.”
The makeup and hair crew finish up just as I do. After eighteen hours of labor, Bethany looks better than me. I have to get the name of her stylist.